i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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