Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
