just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
