I just gift wrapped bread.
it's like iHOP with fire
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
