He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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