He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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