i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Randomize
