i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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