This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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