I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
