So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Green mimosas i think yes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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