i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
