She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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