About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
