does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
