I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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