And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
