I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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