It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
