So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
