My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize