i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
