P.S. I can't hear my feet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
