She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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