I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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