You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
