Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
