we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
