did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
