I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
