Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
