It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
