i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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