hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
