It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
