You're my little dorito
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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