their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
