At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
