just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
