Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
