I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
