I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
