Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
