im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
