so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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