Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
