Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
