Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
