did you get engaged???
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
