He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did i just pee glitter
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
