I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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