apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
