Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
