Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
