hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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