So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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