Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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