you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
