i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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