I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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