the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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