He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
