Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize