I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
