Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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