Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize