i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
