New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
