Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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