Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
