And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
