There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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