just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Panties = found
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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