Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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