"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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