ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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