4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
