there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
birth control should be required to get into college
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize