when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
