Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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