I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
