Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
