I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize