Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
