The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
