bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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