when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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