Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
