I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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