my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
