When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
