Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
