i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
