I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
