The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
