That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
