The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
