I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wear drunk well.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
