I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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