my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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