we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I believe in your delicious
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
