No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
