Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize