I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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