i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
