I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
